So after months of teaching online and not being able to get shopping delivered, we are out of lockdown! I’m back at school working out how we are going to get everyone back in as safely as possible.

So how are you? How have things been? I hope you are all safe and well. Rob has loved every minute of Lockdown and today was the first time he went out of the house and into town.

‘Wear a mask,’ I said. ‘Most people wear them around the streets as well as shops. You’ll feel safer and probably less anxious with a mask on, especially after so many months not leaving the house.’

‘Nah. Won’t need one. I’ll be fine. I’ll look stupid in a mask, nobody else will wear them outside of the shops.’

‘Yes there are,’ I reply – having ventured out of the house into town. ‘Wear a mask!’

‘No, not going to.’

Four hours later Rob returns. ‘I wish I’d worn a mask. Loads of people in town were wearing one.’

!!!!!!

I am always right, I don’t know why nobody else knows this.

So how has the Warrior household changed? Not that much, to be honest. Daughter began lockdown playing with barbies and ended it by packing her barbies away and spending all her birthday money on My Chemical Romance merchandise.

She HATED online learning. I feel for all the dyslexic kids out there, being out of school was not healthy for them at all.

Dog, after her sojourn wooing the neightbour’s stud dogs, looking for a good time, has calmed down and developed a yeast infection in her ears to keep us on our toes. Son has taken on the role of Chief Vet and twice a day dons his surgical gloves and calls for Dog. She slinks towards him, head lowered, before huffing a sigh and lying on his lap, poorly ear proffered upwards to receive the drops.

Dog rotates who she sleeps with every night. She’s not allowed on Rob’s and my bed so she sneaks into the children’s rooms. She is scrupulously fair, alternating between each child. This morning I went in to wake up Son and Dog was lying on the bed, head on the pillow, while poor Son was scrunched up in the corner. ‘This is why I need a double bed!’ he says crossly.

Dog has LOVED having us with her all day every day with lots of lovely walks in the country. This is Dog’s happy face.

Here is another picture of my very happy Dog but I am less pleased with it as she is happy because, two hours after an expensive groom, she suddenly remembered a bone she’d buried about two years ago. She THOUGHT she may have buried it in our flower bed but wasn’t sure. This is what happened after she’d spent some time checking.

It may not be clear in this picture, but all over her head mud was just MATTED into her fur. It was thick with dust and earth. It makes her look like a different dog.

The Dreaded Exercise

When lockdown started Rob and I did really well. For at least a couple of months we exercised every other day, did weights, did Joe Wicks (oh, if only) and felt damned smug with ourselves.

Roll on half term and it wasn’t looking so good. My June days consisted of teaching online and eating crisps. No Exercise At All. Oh dear.

All the online stuff I have had to do over the summer term has caused a devastating injury. I have tennis elbow! Except the GP said my version is called ‘Mouse Elbow’ as I have not done anything as energetic as Tennis for quite some time.

I have, however, spent quite a lot of time clicking a mouse with my arm bent, hunched over the computer.

It’s technical term is lateral epicondylitis, which sounds much better than ‘Mouse Elbow’ and it is EXCRUCIATINGLY painful. I can’t lift a kettle, I can’t squeeze shampoo from its bottle, I wake up in the night with the pain when I’ve moved my arm as I’ve slept.

My entire family refuse to take it seriously, even when I send the link to ‘What is lateral epicondylitis?’ to our whats app chat. ‘Mum’s broken her elbow using the computer,’ I hear them laugh, mockingly, to their friends.

The Doc says it can take a year to heal and there’s nothing I can do. It is getting a little better but, Good Lord, what a stupid and horrible injury. I have to wear an elbow support and when people ask I’ve decided to tell them I injured it whilst abseiling down the cliffs of Dover.

So with my stupid sore elbow and months of no exercise except opening crisps packets, I was dreading last Tuesday as that was the day we were booked back in with our trainer, Zelda the warrior gym woman. We had our session outside and my heart thumped as we approached her. I managed to get my pulse up to 130 before we’d even started. Would I have a heart attack and die? Would I pull something terrible after so much inaction?

Actually, it was OK. I suspect she was going easy on us, but at least we got back into the swing of things. So don’t ever be put off if you haven’t exercised for a while. One thing left me well chuffed. As we left the gym I asked about classes, saying ‘I should go to the over-50 aerobics, but I refuse to accept that I am old enough, even though I am now 51.’

And Zelda replied, ‘you’d probably find it too easy anyway.’

‘YOU’D PROBABLY FIND IT TOO EASY ANYWAY!’

Ha!!! Woo hoo!! Me! Me who had a resting pulse of 92 four years ago. Me who carried aspirin whenever I walked up the stairs in case I had a stroke.

Let’s just look at that again.. ‘YOU’D PROBABLY FIND IT TOO EASY ANYWAY!’

I danced back to the car until Rob pointed to the people turning up for the over 50 class and they were all in their 70’s.

‘I’m still chuffed though.

Books and Writing

My book is still selling and is up to 31 five stars and one four star – I’m so happy that people are enjoying it. It has cheered me up because EVERY SINGLE writing competition I have entered has come to nothing, which is always disheartening.

What is also disheartening is my recording for my audible book. I’ve had a few lovely people ask me if my book is on Audible and I thought, why not? It’s the holidays, may as well have a go.

After exhausting levels of research (google and wikipedia) I set up a studio in my bedroom and got cracking. The sound quality is fine, it turns out the problem is me.

I have two narrators in my story, Angie and Frieda. Frieda is cross, posh and very old. Angie is jolly and enthusiastic. I tried to act out the narration reflecting those characters.

I was quite proud of myself until I played it back to my family. Listening to my dramatic reading as Frieda son and daughter laughed so hard I couldn’t make out their mocking words.

I then played Angie’s narrative to Rob and his response was, ‘Gor Blimey, Mary Poppins!’

So my Audible book is made up of a Dick Van Dyke version of a cockney and a ‘mad old bint auditioning for the role of Lady Macbeth in an Am Dram production in the village hall’.’

Perfect!

Talking of books, you must, must check out this one. As I said in my review on Good Reads, this is probably the most well written book I have read this year. Do give it a go, especially if you like compellingly written psychological tales in the vein of’The Turn of the Screw’. ‘Magpie Lane’ by Lucy Atkins. I need to now find everything else she has written.

I am running a competition on my author Facebook page, have a look. I’ve asked people to like and share my post to be in with a chance to win a free copy of my book in Paperback. The link to my Facebook page should be somewhere on the page you’re looking at but I’m not sure where. (Or you can click here)

Now I must go into town with Daughter, for whom life is apparently not worth living unless I get her a Krispy Kreme Doughnut. She is also extremely keen on buying an electric guitar and she is currently bidding on one on eBay using her pocket money. It comes with free amp. Wish me luck, I suspect things are going to get very loud in the future.